On losing a parent

Hello friends, you may have noticed I’ve been radio silent for a while. There’s a reason for that.

Two weeks ago today my mom died very suddenly of a heart attack. She was 64 years old.

It’s been tough to process. I’m not sure I ever fully will.

My mom taught me a lot. She’s the reason I love history. She got me hooked on Laura Ingalls Wilder, L.M. Montgomery, and the American Girls books as a kid. She made a point of taking me and my sister to historic sites throughout the Midwest.

She also taught me to love the natural world. She studied biology education in college, and although she ultimately chose not to become a teacher, she taught me about plants and birds, and taught me to collect agates and jasper from gravel roads in rural North Dakota (like her grandmother taught her) and fossils from the streambeds of southern Ohio. And despite what I’m sure was an annoying number of constant questions, she always had a response, even when she didn’t know the answer.

Though I didn’t learn to cook at her knee (she was a good cook, but it wasn’t her passion), she’s the reason I’m a good cook. “Learn by doing” was her mantra. And while it frustrated me as a youngster - I wanted someone to teach me! To show me the way! To make it easy! - learning by doing really is the best way. You make mistakes, you learn from them, you practice, and you improve.

It was through our shared love of thrifting that I discovered - and became obsessed with - vintage cookbooks. High school finds started what developed into a lifelong obsession. Mom was a bibliophile, too.

She always encouraged my writing. I was wrote fiction when I was younger, so I think she thought I’d always make it big on a novel. But she never discouraged me from pursuing history as a career either. Her advice was, make a good plan and you can do just about anything.

But Mom’s death was never in the plan.

Focusing on food history these last two weeks has been tough. I’m working on more articles on the Ukraine, and on the similarities between the two World Wars and what is happening in the world today - from wars to inflation to labor. I hope to finish one I started on the refugee crisis tonight for your inboxes tomorrow, but it’s a complicated topic, so it may be late.

Mom and I often talked about politics. She was a voracious consumer of information. A speed-reading course in high school meant she could tear through books faster than anyone I’ve ever known. Newspapers, magazines, books, and of course online sources right and left. She was always incredibly well-informed, and was a whiz at trivia (unless it was about sports). She taught me a lot about feminism, democracy, and the importance of helping your neighbor.

I’m probably still in shock. I know the grief will hit me in waves. And will probably last for years, if not decades. But I figure the best way I can honor my mom (besides thrifting and collecting rocks) is to keep writing.

Until next time, my friends.